How to: Bounce Back After a Breakup

How To

Kaira Traver is our online contributing writer and here are some tips she has on How to Bounce Back After a Breakup.
you’ve been dumped or maybe for some of you, you’re the dumpee. Either way,
you’re fresh out of a relationship. Ending a relationship can be one of the
hardest times for some women. You’re filled with emotions, questions and
sometimes remorse. But ladies, although it may feel like it, it’s not the end
of the world.

So what
do you do now? As for everything else, different things will work for different
people but everyone could use a little help now and then. Here are some do’s
and don’ts to help you get over your newly single slum.
1-   DON’T keep
it bottled up – Cry, scream, get angry, and just get it out. One of the worst
things you can do when a relationship ends is to keep all those emotions inside.
If you’re like most women, you’re going to be hurt and then it’s pretty much
inevitable where you’ll eventually get pissed. Just don’t hold it in.
2-   DO delete –
Delete his number.
  Delete his
texts. Delete his e-mails and do something that I like to call, “Facebook
cleansing for the heart”. Delete him as your friend. Let’s be honest, you’re
going to look and see what he’s up to, any chance you get. How are you supposed
to heal and move on if you’re constantly checking up on him and looking at his
wall to see who he’s talking to? Do yourself a favor and just cut him out of
your life completely until you’re over him. If you ever decide you want to try
a friendship later down the road, make sure you’re ready and that you can
honestly handle being just friends.
3-   DON’T
rethink your decision – When we’re left to our emotions, it’s easy to spend a
lot of time thinking. For some, they focus on all of the positive things about
an ex or the relationship and don’t really think about what they should be… the
bad things. Obviously the bad things are why the relationship didn’t work out
in the first place, right? Think about all the problems your relationship had
and remember that if it didn’t work out it’s probably for the best.
4-   DO hang out
with the girls – Being in a relationship probably means that you haven’t spent
as much time with your closest friends and family as much as you wanted to.
This is the perfect time to have a family dinner or round up the girls for a
ladies night. If you’re feeling like a Sex
and the City
night out on the town with the girls, drinking cosmos, go for
it; or better yet, a quiet night in with wine, so you can catch up on what’s
going on in each other’s lives. Talk to them. They’re there for you. That’s
what friends are for.
5-   DO find
inspiration – It may seem silly, but finding something that inspires you can
really help you bounce back from a bad break-up. Finding things you can relate
to emotionally can help you a great deal. You can do this by listening to
music, reading a book or even daily inspirational quotes. A free, easy way that
you can find inspiration is by following inspirational quote accounts on
twitter. They update their accounts daily to constantly shed some positive
light on your days.
6-   DON’T sulk
– We’ve all been there. All you want to do is sit in your room alone, watching
slasher films with the only two men that matter at the moment, Ben & Jerry.
But the best way to get out of your head is be active. Your emotions can take a
toll on your body. Sulking can make you sad, tired and lazy. When you’re
active, it releases endorphins and it can improve your mood. In order for you
to feel better, your body has to feel better. So get off the couch and
get active!
7-   DO try
something you’ve always wanted to do – Getting out of your comfort zone and
trying something new can be scary and exciting. But it can also keep you busy
and keep your mind off of the break-up. Join a club, go rock climbing, train
for a marathon or anything else that you have a passion for. You never know you
could end up with a new hobby and meet some new and interesting people.
8-   DO
make a change – If you’re brave enough, do something drastic. Dye your hair or
give it a new do. Reinventing yourself is one of the most fun ways to shake off
the old and move on with the new. If drastic isn’t for you, maybe try a new
wardrobe. Try something that will make you feel sexy and good about you. If you
look good, chances are you’ll feel good too. Are you on a tight budget? You can
search online on great ways to make stylish new outfits out of items you can
find in your very own closet. Get crafty and be creative!
9-   DON’T
lose your faith in other people – Just because one person let you down does not
mean that everyone will. I’m not going to lie, there is a possibility that you
may go through another break up. But eventually you will find the perfect
person and someday you’ll look back and realize that everything you went
through got you to where you are today. All you can do is remember that there
is a good and a bad side to everyone.
1-   DO get back
out there – Once you’ve dealt with the emotions, have plenty of “you” time and when
you think that you’re ready to get back on the dating scene, do it. Take what
you learned from your past relationship and allow it to help you grow in a new
one. Who knows, this next guy could be “the one”.

Going Natural And The Big Chop


So the season of natural hair has clearly not been a phase. More and more ethnic women are going back to the natural texture of their hair. So as you say goodbye to the relaxers and texturizers and prepare for “The Big Chop,” assistant editor Monica Thorpe has some advice for you. 

This past summer was the season of locs, twist and all things natural. Going natural is a very exciting but can also be a confusing and difficult time. The most confusing part is transitioning from relaxed hair to kinks and curls especially if you don’t know what you are doing. A lot of women find it easier to start over by cutting the permed or chemical processed hair out while for others the “big chop” isn’t necessary.  According to, during the transition period you can either keep the permed hair at the end of the natural hair that’s coming in and try to minimize the breakage. Or you can do what many women have done and do the “big chop” and cut the relaxed hair off. However, they advise women to not wear styles where too much hair combing is involved because this will minimize breakage.  “I went natural because I wanted to start over so my hair could grow longer and healthier,” said Tiffany Cameron who has been natural for over a year. Just like most women in the same situation as Tiffany, starting over was a great decision. Since going natural she has found it easier to maintain her hair and also has found a new form of confidence in herself. I recommend before making that huge decision of starting over its best to educate yourself more about not only going natural but what products are good for your hair as well. Enjoy your natural hair journey!
Ways to keep your natural look fab!
    (According to…the curly hair boutique)
  1. Trim your natural hair every 8-12 weeks and transitioning hair should be trimmed every 4 weeks by a professional to promote healthy hair growth.
  2. Do not wash your hair too often because it may become dry and fizzy if shampooed too often as this rubs the natural oils off the hair and scalp.
  3. Do not use oils (coconut, olive) to moisturize your hair because oils sit on the hair which means your hair isn’t benefiting from the moisturizer because the oils don’t reach the inner cortex of the hair shaft.
  4. Use a daily moisturizer and a shampoo that’s sulfate –free because a shampoo with sulfate will strip all natural oils from your hair. Shampoo with sulfate in it has suds, similar to suds in dish detergent. Dish detergent strips oil and shampoo with sulfate will strip your hair.